Andros.isTeen = false;

[logomancer]

I am now twenty years old. A great deal has changed. I am no longer a teenager, for one. No more use for special words to describe my age, just xty-y until I get insanely old. It's a bit of a big step, that. And yet, despite this being the day of my birth, I am sad.

I feel alone. Lonely. Empty inside. For some reason, I am preoccupied with the fear of me at some future age having no life, of being Irrelevant and Insignificant, of having a shit job somewhere out in the middle of nowhere with no friends or companions for company. It's depressing. I am afraid of the future, for I think it might be happening to me.

I have few friends of mention at present. Few people pay me mind. When I try to do something for the rest of the group, I am shouted down and ridiculed until someone else steps up. I feel like the world has conspired against me, that I'm the butt of some cosmic joke. And I don't understand why.

I'm sorry if anything I said has hurt any of you. I've just had this sense and feeling growing inside of me for a while now, and I felt that I should let it out before it consumed me.

I just looked out my window, and it's stopped raining. I'm not sure whether that is good or bad.

Comments

You know...

[anterus.livejournal.com]

You're a good person, you know that? Friendly enough (interaction somewhat limited, but good so far), smart, obviously, and you seem to have a good heart. Seeing as you've apologized for every ... break-down, so to speak, I've seen so far, I'd say that speaks for having a good heart. You've got marketable skills, too. CS still pays, you know, even if not so lucratively as it used to. I doubt you'll be stuck in a dead-end job. And, if you do get there...maybe take a hit and change. Dead end jobs aren't going anywhere, y'know?

Anyrate, methinks you have more friends than you think, judging simply by the number of people who've responed to this post of yours. I should also mention that a few good friends are worth more than a lot of lesser friends. A lot more. I'm very fortunate, I can STILL count on two hands the number of great friends I have. And by great, I mean in the category of describing any member of that set as 'one of my best friends.' As one of these people once said it, "I'm counting my number of best friends on one hand, and I'm still grinning." I've always felt he's got a point. And, really, Andrew, I'm betting you've got at least two people you can put in that category. And you've got some decent friends around here. Just look.

Age: Arbitrary. I mean, sure, in the numbering system most people use, yes, you've finally breached the barrier of repetition. Now all ages you will have are denoted in simple repetition, as opposed to the completely unique set we have because saying tenty just don' sound right you know? In fact, for some odd reason, a lot of other languages have the 10+x (0

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<x<10)>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

You're a good person, you know that? Friendly enough (interaction somewhat limited, but good so far), smart, obviously, and you seem to have a good heart. Seeing as you've apologized for every ... break-down, so to speak, I've seen so far, I'd say that speaks for having a good heart. You've got marketable skills, too. CS still pays, you know, even if not so lucratively as it used to. I doubt you'll be stuck in a dead-end job. And, if you do get there...maybe take a hit and change. Dead end jobs aren't going anywhere, y'know?

Anyrate, methinks you have more friends than you think, judging simply by the number of people who've responed to this post of yours. I should also mention that a few good friends are worth more than a lot of lesser friends. A lot more. I'm very fortunate, I can STILL count on two hands the number of great friends I have. And by great, I mean in the category of describing any member of that set as 'one of my best friends.' As one of these people once said it, "I'm counting my number of best friends on one hand, and I'm still grinning." I've always felt he's got a point. And, really, Andrew, I'm betting you've got at least two people you can put in that category. And you've got some decent friends around here. Just look.

Age: Arbitrary. I mean, sure, in the numbering system most people use, yes, you've finally breached the barrier of repetition. Now all ages you will have are denoted in simple repetition, as opposed to the completely unique set we have because saying tenty just don' sound right you know? In fact, for some odd reason, a lot of other languages have the 10+x (0<x<10) ages being unique numbers. That's kind of odd. My point is that it's arbitrary. Look at yourself. Are you a significantly person than you were yesterday? Last week? Day-to-day, I'm betting you won't be able to say that you are, unless something particularly unique or unusual happens. And, obviously, that's not every day.

Finally...I dunno if I can help at all, even though I used to be a lot like you. Somehow, I just stopped caring about a lot of shit and life got a lot more pleasant. I have no clue how, or, really, why. It's just so much isn't important enough. Heheheh, I guess I'm more important than a lot of it, now, at least to myself. Try it? Worked for me. Just clicked.

You've got friends (real friends, you know. Noone here's trying to get anything out of you), a life a lot of people would love to have (not that that's ever motivated <i>me</i> much, but a good life, at anyrate), and a decent shot a good future. I mean, got to be something in there you can enjoy, right?

Hope you had at least a little fun for your birthday. Will look forward to seeing you and...arr, I feel bad, but I've forgotten her name. Well, not too bad. I do it all the time. Ciao-ciao man. Life's good.

Re: You know...

[anterus.livejournal.com]

It's not a bloody error, you stupid parser! It's a friggin' inequality symbol!