logomancer: Xerxes from System Shock 2 (Default)
[personal profile] logomancer

I am now twenty years old. A great deal has changed. I am no longer a teenager, for one. No more use for special words to describe my age, just xty-y until I get insanely old. It's a bit of a big step, that. And yet, despite this being the day of my birth, I am sad.

I feel alone. Lonely. Empty inside. For some reason, I am preoccupied with the fear of me at some future age having no life, of being Irrelevant and Insignificant, of having a shit job somewhere out in the middle of nowhere with no friends or companions for company. It's depressing. I am afraid of the future, for I think it might be happening to me.

I have few friends of mention at present. Few people pay me mind. When I try to do something for the rest of the group, I am shouted down and ridiculed until someone else steps up. I feel like the world has conspired against me, that I'm the butt of some cosmic joke. And I don't understand why.

I'm sorry if anything I said has hurt any of you. I've just had this sense and feeling growing inside of me for a while now, and I felt that I should let it out before it consumed me.

I just looked out my window, and it's stopped raining. I'm not sure whether that is good or bad.

Re: Thoughts for your birthday :)

Date: 2004-04-14 09:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vt-andros.livejournal.com
Thanks :)

I have Cetaganda, Mirror Dance, and I picked up Cordelia's Honor at TCon.

Oh, and Carly says hi.

Re: Thoughts for your birthday :)

Date: 2004-04-14 04:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] murrday.livejournal.com
You're welcome. :)

OK, I'm aiming to make it to SOAP Friday, and catch up on
birthday things - I'll bring you a Miles, and bring Tiger
and Bren's presents too, as I got behind accidentally.
Hmmm, there's a thought! *grin* How about if I check the
chronology, and find you one when Miles is 20? Seems like
it would suit.

And hello to Carly too. :)

Re: Thoughts for your birthday :)

Date: 2004-04-14 08:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] colleenk.livejournal.com
Oh, do read Young Miles. It's not theropy, but it will make you feel better - choose to have Ivan's life, it's better for your mental health, not to talk about your sex life... :)
There is light at the end of tunnel. Sweetie, you will make it, and we'll all be there.

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logomancer: Xerxes from System Shock 2 (Default)
logomancer

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