Sigh.

[logomancer]

We're finally getting back to some decent temperatures. Yippee!

Oh, and my sister's OK now. Mom thought she was faking the appendicitis to get out of English class. Which is common for her. But she's OK now.

Speaking of Englsih...SF class was teh sux0r today. Oddly enough, I wasn't tired throughout the class, but I got picked on. So did nixve. She in the "she makes a good point" sense -- I in the "Are you a fucking retard or what?" sense. Half the class laughed at me when I had the gall to answer a question. Children can be so cruel...

I have to say this in my defense -- I am not used to reading works of fiction critically. They're there for my enjoyment. And so, when I analyze things, I tend to do it in different ways than what might be suggested. This leads to myself and the prof not being on the same page. Which can be hazardous to one's grade. In a sense, nixve was right; English class is subjective -- to the teacher's will. I just hope I can pull through and get a decent grade. I have enought threats to my GPA as it is.

What happened in SF class made me think about how intelligent I actually was. I seem to be able to intuit a lot of subjects, but I feel like my actual knowledge about much of the world is less than I think it is. And the thing is, I realize this, and yet I babble on about nothing like I actually know something about the subject. And my analytical skills, aside from basic pattern recognition, seems to be nonexistant (based on my experiences with SF class, etc.). And so I ask myself -- am I really intelligent? Am I even sentient? Would I pass a Turing test? How is it that certain things are effortless to some people and near-impossible to me? Am I nothing more than an organic automaton, incapable of learning? How does my intelligence match with those of my peers? Somehow, I get the feeling that I am at the low end of the gene pool in this environment. For my arrogant actions, my improper behavior in certain situations, my overgeneralization of vast and complex subjects -- all are due to my own ignorance. And that scares me.

Comments

[yubbie.livejournal.com]

You're a freshman. One of the things you're supposed to do over the next four years is mature and figure out how your life works... It's ok to be completely clueless and lost this year.

[robertliguori.livejournal.com]

Heh. This would be the day for English-induced intelligence evaluations. Why does it matter how smart the others in your enviornment are? To quote A Beautiful Mind, is there really that much difference between 'genius' and 'most genius'? You are taking a difficult major at one of the most prestigious universities on the east coast. Have you ever stopped and pondered how much intellectual ass that kicks? How much intellectual ass you are kicking? It doesn't matter that there are people in your classes smarter than you. It doesn't even matter if you're the dumbest one in the room, IF you're getting by. And you are.

[quote]
For my arrogant actions, my improper behavior in certain situations, my overgeneralization of vast and complex subjects...
[/quote]
I'm just going to laugh at this. Hell, I'm exponentially more arrogant, improper, and overgeneralizing than you. And I don't consider it a problem. If I'm right, then you aren't ignorant, because it don't matter. If I'm wrong, then you're less ignorant than me. Win-win situation. Well, tie-win, but close enough.