I still live.

It's been a long time since I've posted here. Mainly because things have been so crappy, I doubted people would want to listen. But screw it, I've got to get it out.

Since I got back from Xmas, I've been looking for a job. And not finding one. It's kinda funny -- most people around me pigeonhole me as a computer geek, although that is only one of my interests. Thus, whenever I volunteer for things, I always get asked, "Hey, can you do a website for us?" or something like that. Not that I think doing websites or other computer things is horrible -- I just wish I got to do something else once in a while.

But whenever I apply to get paid for doing technical things, there's always something that keeps me from being hired. Either I'm not ambitious enough just because I don't think I can get my dream job fresh out of college, or I'm not extroverted enough to deal with researchers, or somesuch. Nobody questions my technical expertise. But apparently it's not enough.

Needless to say, being rejected constantly has had a deleterious effect on my self-esteem. What pisses me off more, however, are the people who don't even bother to tell you that much. I put my resume in, and never hear from them again. I sometimes get an interview, and afterward never hear from them again. I've gotten a grand total of one rejection sent to me directly, and one relayed indirectly through the headhunter that set up the interview in the first place. Something tells me I'll never understand business etiquette.

Things have been tight. I'm paying the bills, but April's going to be tough. Meanwhile, my mother calls me to nag about my job status, thinking I'm a bum, and that all my failed interviews can be blamed squarely on my long hair. And she goes on about her broken computer (she got a new laptop for Xmas that glitched on her, and of course she's hopeless to fix it, even if I help her over the phone), and when am I going to come down to fix it. As if I didn't have other problems. I told her I couldn't come down while I was busy trying to scare up work. She hung up.

I didn't get the chance to tell her I got my diploma yesterday. For all the good it's done me.